


Falling

by The_Clock_Strikes_Twilight



Series: Celestial Songs [9]
Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: AkuSai Month 2020 (Kingdom Hearts), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Celestial Songs, Everything happens for a reason, LeaIsa Month 2020 (Kingdom Hearts), M/M, Musical Prompt Playlist, Mutual Pining, No Fluff, Post-breakup, Songfic, Songs of the Sun and Moon, no happy ending, not really over each other, sorry y'all this one is just sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:46:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25517494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Clock_Strikes_Twilight/pseuds/The_Clock_Strikes_Twilight
Summary: They should’ve known this would happen eventually. They dated for three years, so they go to all the same places. Including the coffee shop. Which is exactly where Saïx and Axel have found themselves standing face-to-face. It’s the first time they’ve seen each other—acknowledged each other—since they broke up. They had both been hoping to avoid a moment like this for the rest of their lives. Hoping to avoid each other for the rest of their lives. Living in a small town, though, they should’ve known better. And now it feels as if the town has vanished. It feels as if time has come to a standstill. The moment green eyes locked with teal; they knew they were both in trouble.
Relationships: Axel/Saïx (Kingdom Hearts)
Series: Celestial Songs [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1820650
Kudos: 7





	Falling

**Author's Note:**

> Song Used: "Over You" by Ingrid Michaelson feat. A Great Big World
> 
> July 25th, Day 19 of AkuSai/LeaIsa Month

_Over, I’m so over you_

_The way that you look in a three-piece suit_

_Over, I’m so over you_

_The way that you held me when nobody else would…_

Saïx stands back, observing the dark grey suit hanging from the closet door. He had come across it while cleaning out the closet. It doesn’t belong to him. It belongs to the night they met. The night everything changed. For the worse and for the better. Through better or for worse.

It’s a shame they chose worse.

He reaches out, lightly tracing his fingers over the sleeve of the jacket. If he didn’t know any better, he’d say it still feels warm. That’s not impossible, though. Tch. Of course it isn’t possible. And it isn’t possible because it’s been sitting in the back of a closet for over a year now. It isn’t possible because—The breath catches in his throat. He gets a whiff of that old cologne. Cinnamon and firewood. A scent that always lingers. No matter how many other candles he lights, nothing ever masks that musk. The aroma that was his life for nearly three years.

Three years too long, yet not long enough.

He takes a step back from the suit. He really should get rid of the thing. Just toss it. It’ll never be worn again. Not like he’ll ever fit into, after all. His shoulders are far broader. Arms aren’t long enough. Body isn’t lean enough. Lanky enough. So, he should throw the suit out. Donate it. There’s no reason for him to keep it. He has no need for it. No need… Except the memories.

That night had been out of control. Nothing had gone as planned. Saïx hadn’t intended on getting as drunk as he did. He hadn’t intended on introducing himself to the stranger. He hadn’t intended on getting sick all over him. And he especially hadn’t intended on the redhead guiding him to the bathroom and holding his hair back while he continued vomiting. But…

Breaking down on a filthy bathroom floor in a stranger’s arms drunk and half-covered in his own vomit was the last way he ever expected to meet the man he would fall in love with. He had seen Saïx at his worst from the get-go and still chose to be with him.

It was seeing Saïx at his best that drove him away. That pushed him away.

_Maybe if I tell myself enough_

_Maybe if I do_

_I’ll get over you_

_Maybe if I tell myself enough_

_Maybe if I do_

_I’ll get all over you, you_

_All over you, you…_

Saïx sits on the floor on the other side of his apartment with a cup of coffee in his hand. He sits and stares at the suit from afar. The suit that’s still hanging off the closet door. Ugh. Damn it. Why the hell hasn’t he gotten rid of it yet? Staring at it isn’t going to help anything. Anyone. It’ isn’t going to allow Saïx to get over him.

He is over him. He has to be. It’s been a month already. They have to be over each other by now. Hell, Saïx can’t keep dwelling on the past. He can’t keep dwelling on what went wrong. Just like he can’t think about everything that felt so right. The rights and wrongs don’t matter. Not in this situation. They can’t matter. It ended for a reason, after all.

Everything happens for a reason. Hmm. Saïx is still trying to understand that turn of phrase. It seems simple enough, but… If that’s the case, then why did he meet the redhead? Why did he have to fall in love with him? Why did he have to get his heart broken by him? If there’s a reason, he hasn’t figured it out yet. Or if there’s some sort of lesson, he hasn’t learned it yet. All he knows to do now is to lie to himself.

He's over him. He’s over _them_. Everything they had. The good and the bad. The ups and the downs. Tch. He’s not sure why he’s hanging on so tight to it. The relationship had been more toxic than anything, after all. He should be relieved that it’s ended. Ecstatic, even. Now he can find someone better suited for him.

Suited. Huh. The suit.

His gaze lands once more upon the dark grey outfit hanging from the closet door. Such a handsome figure… And the little blue flower is still peeking out from chest pocket. Saïx smiles sheepishly. Well. All this time, he thought that flower had been real. Judging by its freshness, though, it’s definitely not…real… Fake.

Just like the person who once wore that suit. Just like their relationship. The love they felt for each other. The promises they had made. None of it meant anything. At least, none of it meant enough for either of them to try harder. And because of that, Saïx is now sitting alone in his apartment at one o’clock in the morning with all the lights on, staring at some dumb suit. And for what?

For a false claim. Because he can persuade others that he’s perfectly all right, but he sure as hell can’t convince himself.

_Over, I’m so over you_

_The way that you laugh at everything that I do_

_Over, I’m so over you_

_The way that you said that you’d always be true…_

Axel shifts awkwardly in his seat. His blind date sitting across the way didn’t even bat an eyelash at that joke. It was stupid, sure, but it still warrants at least a chuckle. Hell, it used to always make—Well, maybe those had always been pity-laughs. Then again, that would’ve been better than utter silence.

During this uncomfortable silence, he can’t help but think about how he shouldn’t even be here. There are so many other places he could be. One place he _should_ be, but… He can never go back there again. Doesn’t matter how much he may want to. Going back isn’t an option. Hell, it’s already bad enough that this blind date had to be here, of all places. This stupid blind date that he hadn’t even wanted to go on in the first place.

Before another conversation can be started, the server brings them their food. Then both of them are too occupied with eating to think about holding up any sort of discussion. Axel is relieved, to say the least. He has nothing to say to this guy, after all. They don’t have anything in common. Them being setup had to have been some sort of cruel joke. A stupid joke. It doesn’t help that his blind date ordered the same exact dish—

He shakes his head. Hmm. Maybe his date isn’t the problem. Maybe Axel is the problem. He’s far too busy concerning himself with the past and what used to be. That’s not what he should be doing, though. He should be focused on the moment. And he shouldn’t be comparing. Maybe the fact this his date didn’t laugh at that dumb joke is a good thing. He doesn’t have to find it funny. He doesn’t have to have the same sense of humour. He is his own person.

And Axel is not attracted to him in the slightest.

By the time they finish eating, not a single word has been spoken between them still. The silence is killing him. Not being able to make eye contact with the guy is killing him. His dates eyes area blueish-green. He doesn’t dare call them teal because—Well, looking in those eyes is nothing like looking in—Damn it.

He didn’t think this would be so difficult. He thought their relationship would end and that he would move on and just forget all about it. All about him. Here he is a month later, though, and he still has the past memorised.

_And maybe if I tell myself enough_

_Maybe if I do_

_I’ll get over you_

_Maybe if I tell myself enough_

_Maybe if I do_

_I’ll get all over you, you_

_Over you, you_

_Over you…_

Axel is more than ready for the evening to be over. And once it does end and he gets back to his empty apartment, he falls onto the chilled couch. Once upon a time, he’d be coming home to a warm couch. To company. Someone he could have a full-length conversation with. Someone who made his worst days better.

He thought his days would only get better after the relationship had been called off. He thought getting out of a rut like that would improve his life. So he doesn’t understand why he only ever has bad days now.

He lets out a heavy sigh and plops his head back, staring at the ceiling. He closes his eyes and tries to relax, but it’s not long before his phone going off. He doesn’t have to look to know who it is. His so-called best friend checking in to see how the _terrible_ blind date had gone. Axel’s not in the mood to talk about how awful it was, though. Not in the mood to talk about the utter lack of chemistry. Not in the mood—

The phone stops ringing and it’s just…quiet. Ugh. He hates the quiet. Especially when he’s alone. It just reminds him of how much everything has changed. In both good and bad ways. Yet, he’s still trying to figure out how things have changed for good. For the better. Like everyone’s saying it will.

Why did they think breaking up would be a good idea? What had been going through their heads when they agreed to this? This breakup hasn’t benefited Axel in the slightest. If anything, he never wants to do anything anymore. He never wants to go out. He never wants to drink. Hell, he spent his first week as a single getting shitfaced alone in his dumb apartment every night. It was pathetic.

One month. He shouldn’t still be feeling this way after a month. He should be over it by now. Thought he was over it. That’s why he had agreed to going on a blind date. And if the date had been a better choice, maybe they would’ve hit it off. Maybe he would have company tonight. Maybe…

Maybe he needs to drink again. That would help him forget. At least make him believe he’s moved on. If only until the morning. Then he can mourn all over again. Tch. Yeah, he’s pathetic, all right. Pathetic and regretful. Not that he’d ever say it out loud.

The moment he admits the truth is the moment he can no longer deny his feelings. And these are feelings that shouldn’t even exist anymore. He doesn’t want them to exist.

_I’m falling around you_

_I’m falling around you…_

It’s the most normal Saïx has felt in a long while. He makes himself leave the apartment and walks to the coffee shop a couple blocks down. As he steps inside, his movement is slow. Cautious. He looks around… He’s in the clear. So, he takes a deep breath and steps up to the front counter. He orders his usual: A hot vanilla bean latte with hazelnut. While he’s waiting for it, he looks around the shop again. He’s surrounded by unfamiliar faces. Strangers. People with their own lives and agendas. Stories he’ll never know.

The barista calls for his attention, and he apologises before taking his order from her and thanking her. As he then turns to take his leave, the front door opens. That’s when his whole world stops. His heart stops. He stops dead in his tracks when he spots that head of bright red hair coming through the door. He almost doesn’t realise that he’s dropped his drink.

Saïx quickly turns his back on the entrance and notices the barista looking at him with wide eyes. He apologises once more before requesting the order again. As he waits for it, his hands start to shake. Shit. Never has he had more of a desire to be hidden from the world. He keeps his head down and his shoulders hunched. And as soon as the barista has returned to the counter, he grabs the second drink from her and practically _scurries_ out of the shop, his head still bowed.

Tch. So much for feeling normal.

_I’m falling around you_

_I’m falling around you…_

After snoozing his alarm four separate times, Axel finally finds himself out of bed and on his feet and getting ready for the day ahead of him. Like an actual adult. His day doesn’t officially start, though, until he makes his pitstop at the coffee shop a few blocks down from his apartment.

He's occupied with his phone as he steps inside the shop but hearing the sound of a cup being dropped and spilt all over the floor brings his attention to the moment. The spill just about reaches him where he’s standing. He lifts his head and nearly drops his phone in response when he sees a head of blue hair. _Shit_. This can’t be happening. No. He can’t be here. Not today. Not when he’s finally starting to feel like himself again. Not when—When the other hasn’t even noticed Axel. Unless… Maybe seeing him is what caused him to drop his drink in the first place. Or that could be wishful thinking. It could just be Axel hoping he still has that effect.

The barista hands the other his replacement coffee and Axel holds his breath as he waits for him to turn around. Except he doesn’t turn around. He rushes out of the shop without even so much as glancing Axel’s way. His heart stops. He had been holding his breath and now he can’t remember how to breathe. Doesn’t help that he’s trying his damnedest not to cry.

Tch. It’s a shame, really, that red eyes and green irises don’t mix well.

_Maybe if I tell myself enough_

_(I’m falling around you)_

_Maybe if I do_

_(I’m falling around you)_

_Maybe if I tell myself enough…_

Saïx dreads answering the door in response to the knock on it. The knocking won’t stop, though, so he knows they’re not going away.

“I can’t say I admire your resilience,” he says once he finally does answer the door.

“It’s called stubbornness,” Roxas says. He grins. “And you should know that word better than anyone.”

He rolls his eyes at the kid and steps aside to grant him entrance. “To what do I owe this honour?” he asks as he closes the door behind him.

“Just wanted to check up on you.” He shrugs his shoulders. “Haven’t heard from you in a while.”

“Don’t do me any favours.”

“I’m not doing you a favour; I’m doing Xion a favour.”

“Then why didn’t she come here herself?”

“Because she feels that you need someone to talk to who can be blunt with you.” He puts his hands to his chest in a gesture to himself. “And I’m that someone.”

Saïx quirks an eyebrow at him. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re a bit too full of yourself.”

“Yeah. You.”

Now he shakes his head with a sigh. “I’m quite all right. I don’t need you or anyone else checking up on me. I’ve been handling myself perfectly fine.”

“I call bullshit.”

“Excuse me?”

“I know we haven’t always seen eye-to-eye, but I do still know you better than that. You did date my best friend for three years, after all.”

“And I thought you’d be _ecstatic_ about us breaking up.”

Roxas lets out the sigh this time. Heavy. “Can we be serious, please?”

_Maybe if I tell myself enough_

_(I’m falling around you)_

_Maybe if I do_

_(I’m falling around you)_

_Maybe if I tell myself enough_

_(Maybe if I tell myself enough…)_

Axel is curled up in bed under all his covers when he hears a knock on the front door. He lets out an annoyed groan but doesn’t move. At least, not until he realises the knocking isn’t going to stop. So, he throws the covers off himself and drags his feet all the way to the front door. As soon as he opens it, though, he perks up a bit.

“Xion,” he says. He steps aside, letting her in. “I wasn’t expecting you.” He glances out around the hall. “No Roxas?”

“Uhm. No. Not today.” She smiles sheepishly. “How are you?”

Axel closes the door with a soft thud. “I’m great.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Silence. Awkward silence. He knows exactly why Xion is here and he’s not in the mood to be interrogated. He scratches the back of his head. “Listen, I appreciate you checking up on me—”

“Roxas and I are both worried about you,” she goes on. “We know you’re not as okay as you say you are. And we just wanna help however we can.”

“And I appreciate that, too, but there ain’t much either of you can do. I mean, this is just something I gotta power through on my own.”

“Well… Maybe if you talked me through it again. Y’know, like, why exactly you two decided to breakup.”

He lets out a heavy sigh as he falls onto the couch. “We’ve already gone over this. There’s nothing else to talk about on the matter.”

“That’s why I’m asking you to explain it just one more time for me. Please.”

_Maybe if I tell myself enough_

_(Maybe if I tell myself enough)_

_(I’m falling around you)_

_Maybe if I tell myself enough_

_(Maybe if I tell myself enough)_

_(I’m falling around you)_

_Maybe if I tell myself enough_

_(Maybe if I tell myself enough…)_

“I am being serious,” Saïx says. “I don’t why you think I’m not.”

Roxas lets out a little, irritated chuckle. “I’ve known Axel for a really long time. I’ve been through a lot of relationships with him. And he’s not the best at choosing the right people for him. So, when you came along, I was expecting it to end the same way as all the others, y’know? Especially considering _how_ you two met.” He scoffs. “I was expecting the two-month long affair. The fling. But I sure as hell was not expecting you to still be around three frigging years later. Like, you have no idea what that means. Axel has never done long-term relationships. It’s never been his style. You changed that, though. He fell in love with you and—”

“And then we fell out of love.”

Roxas shakes his head. “I don’t believe that. People like you and Axel don’t just fall out of love.”

“Why not?”

“Because you and Axel are perfect for each other. I’ve never met someone more perfectly suited for him than you.”

Perfectly suited. Saïx glances to the other side of the room. To that godforsaken suit still hanging from the closet door. He takes a deep breath. “Clearly that isn’t the case. I mean, we didn’t have a healthy relationship. We argued a lot and only ever made up by default. So—”

“By default? What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“It means we never actually talked out a resolution. We just…never talked.”

He pinches the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut. “Holy shit, I can’t believe I’m more mature than a couple of almost-thirty-year-olds.” He looks back over at Saïx. “Ever think that maybe this is one of those times that you two have just refused to talk and settle and come to a resolution of some sort?”

Saïx shakes his head. “It’s not that simple. Besides, this most certainly isn’t one of those times. This is completely different.”

“What makes this so different?”

He pauses, thinking. _What makes this so different_? He doesn’t have a good answer for the kid. A believable answer. He’s not sure why it’s so different now. Maybe he and Axel are just different. Maybe they’ve changed and have grown in separate directions. Maybe they were only supposed to meet and be together to teach each other a lesson. A lesson. The lesson he still hasn’t deciphered yet. Tch.

“Everything happens for a reason.” He uses that phrase against his better judgement.

Roxas’s eyes widen. “Wow.” He nods, pursing his lips. “You’re an even bigger idiot than Axel is.” He turns to leave, showing himself out. Once he has the front door open, though, he stops and looks back at Saïx. “You’re the only person I can Axel having a future with. And maybe there were stupid arguments, but you two were fucking _happy_ together. Xion and I could tell. But if you’re willing to throw that away over some bullshit like _everything happens for a reason_ , then so be it. I can’t help you.”

Saïx jumps a little at the sound of the door slamming shut behind the kid. He takes a deep breath and turns his attention back to the suit. He walks across the room to it. Everything happens for a reason. Perhaps it is bullshit, but this is what he and Axel had agreed on. They decided that this would be for the best. And if that’s the case…then so be it.

_Maybe if I tell myself enough_

_(Maybe if I tell myself enough)_

_Maybe if I tell myself enough…_

“I’m sorry, but I don’t get what you want me to explain,” Axel says. “I thought the first talk I had with you and Roxas about it had been pretty self-explanatory.”

“Not really,” Xion says. “You only told us that you and Saïx had agreed that breaking up was the best decision for you both.”

“Exactly.”

“Okay… But you never told us why or how you came to that conclusion.”

He lets out a heavy sigh. “I don’t see why it matters.”

“Of course it matters. You and Saïx were in love—”

“Tch. No, we weren’t. We were only fooling ourselves. Making fools of ourselves. We were never actually in love, though. It was never genuine.”

Xion looks offended by this. “How can you say that? I mean, you don’t actually believe that, do you? Because it sounds ridiculous.”

“It wasn’t your relationship, so you wouldn’t know. I also wouldn’t expect you to even understand.”

“It may not have been my relationship, but I was still present for it. I saw it develop and grow. I saw the way you two would look at each other.” She takes a deep breath, smiling sheepishly. “You can’t fake being in love. Better yet, you don’t spend three years with someone to only decide that it was all just…made up or whatever.”

Axel shrugs his shoulders. “Well, I don’t know what to tell ya. It’s not gonna be what you wanna hear, though.”

She scoffs, shaking her head at him. “I can’t believe you’re _this_ willing to pretend that you were never in love to begin with. I can’t believe you’re so afraid of facing your own true feelings that you’re willing to just let go of the best relationship you’ve ever had. Because you’re never gonna find anyone else like Saïx.”

“Maybe that’s a good thing.”

“No. It’s not a good thing. Saïx is who you’re meant to be with. Nothing will ever change that.”

“That’s for me to decide.”

She’s shaking her head again. “I can’t.” She gets to her feet and heads for the door. “I’m sorry, but I can’t just sit here and watch you throw this all away. But if you’re not gonna listen to me or Roxas, then… I’m sorry.” She opens the front door. “I have to go.”

Axel places his hands behind his head and leans back on the couch. Well, that didn’t go well. It didn’t go as either of them planned. Nothing ever does, though. Not that life can necessarily be planned. And neither can love. It can be developed and grown and lost. And it can be wrong. Just like in this case.

_I’m falling around you…_

They should’ve known this would happen eventually. They dated for three years, so they go to all the same places. Including the coffee shop. Which is exactly where Saïx and Axel have found themselves standing face-to-face. It’s the first time they’ve seen each other—acknowledged each other—since they broke up. They had both been hoping to avoid a moment like this for the rest of their lives. Hoping to avoid each other for the rest of their lives. Living in a small town, though, they should’ve known better. And now it feels as if the town has vanished. It feels as if time has come to a standstill. The moment green eyes locked with teal; they knew they were both in trouble.

_Maybe if I tell myself enough_

_Maybe if I do_

“Yo,” Axel breaks the silence.

Saïx swallows hard. “Hello.”

He clears his throat. He hates awkward silence. “How have you been?”

“Oh. Uhm. I’ve been doing quite well.” He doesn’t have to know it’s a blatant lie. “Thank you for asking.”

“Good. That’s good…”

More silence. Saïx should be polite and reiterate the question to Axel, but he can no longer find his voice. He can’t remember how to speak. Can’t think properly. Not with those green eyes burning through him.

“Well, I gotta go,” Axel goes on. “It was…really nice seeing ya, though.”

Saïx nods. “Yeah. You too.”

And they both continue on their way. Slowly and unsurely. Saïx glances over his shoulder at Axel, wanting to stop. He doesn’t, though. He can’t. He’s put too much time and energy into moving on. So, he does. And a moment later, Axel looks back at Saïx. He does stop. Wants to call out to him. Except he doesn’t. Why should he? So, he turns his back and keeps on walking.

If only they had both looked at the same time. If only… But everything happens for a reason.


End file.
